i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
