I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
