Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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