Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
