Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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