ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
