dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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