Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
