he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
