I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Randomize
