You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
