Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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