3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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