No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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