My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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