i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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