you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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