Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
