How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
