I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Im part way to drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
