I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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