Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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