Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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