if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
