No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
