So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
