She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
