I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
