Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
