I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize