my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
