The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
