Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize