You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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