The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
