Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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