he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
