tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
