Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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