happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
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