It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
