You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
