absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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