We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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