just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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