That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
we're making bets on your personal life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
