Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
