In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
