This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
