There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
