I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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