Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
