a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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