fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
