just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
