Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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