it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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