I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
