It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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