how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
